November 24, 2011

Dear Lord,

Lord, I don't know. Maybe I was just too blinded by my emotions. I was so affected by it that I forgot that I had a rational mind and thinking that is working.

Lord, now I am having second thoughts about him. Yes they are good, his family is and he also but something just did not fit specially last night. Lord, it was as if our minds did not meet. We did not have the same mind wavelength.

Not that I am Ms. Smarty Nerdy again. No, there was something that I could not find though I cannot judge them prematurely. But thinking, am I willing to let myself become a part of their family? Am I willing to just passively listen and be quiet most of the time fearing that what I will say might shoo them away?

I think, I cannot be myself when I am with them. It would be quite difficult though it would be too early to tell.

Lord, he also. He really changed a lot. And I don't want to force myself to him anymore. I am just tired. Lord, he could not be the one that You would want me to have. Lord, someone just rightly fits my personality and my mind wavelength. Someone who belongs to Your family. Lord, I was trying or would be trying to change him and mold him into the kind of man I wanted him to be but it was wrong. So wrong. I do not have a choice Father God. I have to let him go and will just be contented to be his friend. I will just be a friend.

Lord, they have their definition of good times. I have also have mine. Unfortunately, ours just did not fit. I am happy with my simple walks out there, spending time with few close friends, singing, writing, being alone reading, going to museums, watching plays, attending conventions and seminars, surfing the Internet, etc. I am happy with these things already.

Lord, when will I find the right person for me? Just the right person who will fit the other half of my heart?

He does not have to be so handsome. He does not have to be so smart and a genius. Someone who just values and understands me. And someone whom I can also admire, respect and love eventually.

Lord, show him to me. I appeal to You. Next time around, I don't want to commit the same mistakes anymore. I will wait. I will wait patiently. Kindly show him to me please.

Thank You so much Lord. Amen.