On The Way To Marriage

Dear Lord,

Lord, forgive me. It was my fault. I led him on. He who has been so good and respectful of me. Who only thinks about my interest. He loves and he loves me so much.

Forgive me. Lord, he is a good man. He is loving and he is caring. All I want is to be with him.

Yet, he does not have yet much money. But You will bless him with all his abilities and the things that he can do. Help me to help him. Help me Lord, please.

Lord, is this the right time to get married?

Help me to answer these questions with wisdom and clarity coming from You.

1. Are you ready to give your life away?

The answer: I am thinking that I may not be able to watch the musicals that I can watch in a heartbeat, buy the things I want to buy among others. I will just think of his interest and the things that will benefit him. Lord, will you bless me this way? It is not all about me anymore, but there will always be someone I will consider before buying somethings or doing something. I will also forget my own family if we will be married because being together and sharing our lives together is what marriage is all about. To bless another person. Lord, You bless me with more because You want me to bless others more. Being married will help me deal and come to terms with my own selfishness. Yes Lord. I am ready.

2.  Do you have both parents' blessing?

Yes. They both have and in fact have been pushing us to get married as soon as possible for us to have our own children. Yes, in this area though sometimes I feel like my father does not approve of him. But it is just according to his own whims and selfishness. But there's really no problem in this area.

3. Is there more to your relationship than physical attraction/affection?

To this I have to answer other sub questions:
a. Do you see eye to eye on spiritual matters?
Yes. He is more like my spiritual leader. He teaches me to go back to God whenever I would have a problem. He leads me to the Lord. He is like that. He is really like that. He is more faithful than I am actually. 
b. Do you enjoy each other's company? 
Yes, I do. Spending time with him is one of the loveliest times in my life. I don't get bored. He teaches me and tells me stories about life, his life and everything he has gone through. Though I am bothered at times for he does not ask too much about mine. But you see, we had different circles and views before we met. He did not finish college, I am on my way to finishing my master's so in this area we don't meet. But we can talk about money matters, how to start a business, rearing children and other essential topics about life and how to live it.
c. Are you challenged by the other person?
My cooking and homemaking skills. He's really a genius at them. Hehehehe...
d. Do you trust them fully with your heart? 
Yes. Though when it comes to providing for all my needs and some wants, I cannot. You know, I earn more than he does. But God will deal with us in this area. I know he will not hurt me nor my pride. He will be good to me. 
e. Are they safe? 
Yes. He is a very safe and loving person.
f. Are you in the same orbit about future expectations?
Yes. Both of us would like to have our own business someday. We are going to work on that.
g.Do they have discipline?
Yes. Especially when it comes to finances. He is such a cheapskate sometimes. But that's one strong area he has that I am a bit weak at.

4. Is the timing right?
Yes. I am regular in my job, he is on his way and he is in fact praying for his appraisal in his work. He has a job though not really high paying but he really has a job and he can somehow provide for me but I will help him. I will be his partner.

5. Would you marry this person if he/she never changed?
Yes. He is not perfect, so am I. As long as he respects me and loves me and draws me towards God then we can sort out our differences and talk about things so we can deal with them fairly and effectively. All by God's grace.

Lord, I am sorry for those times that I led him to commit sin. Those compromises that led us to go astray from You. Lord, this time that we have should be a time to prepare so that we can be together and we can be a blessing to each other.

I love him Father and indeed loving is not a feeling but actually an action and a choice.

Forgive me Lord. Forgive us and thank You so much.

Amen.

Money Matters

Dear Lord,

I am worried right now. Worried about his attitude regarding money. He does not keep his promises when it comes to paying his debts which is not a good attitude of course. I don't know. I think I should talk to him about that because maybe that's the reason why You are not blessing him that much.

I still needed to remind him about his debt. Sometimes I feel like I need to shoulder other expenses for the both of us. It feels like I need to really share with him all the expenses. Is this the right thing?

He has a lower salary compared to mine. I don't know.

Can I trust him when it comes to our wedding expenses? Lord, please give me wisdom on this. Do I need to talk to him about it? How?

Lord, I will wait until December 28 if he would keep his word and pay me the money he owes me. Then I will start talking with him regarding my concerns. Lord, please give me wisdom. Please give us wisdom. Amen.

Becoming Abusive

Dear Lord,

I have been abusing my boyfriend. He has been enduring my mood swings, my threats and everything for the past four months already.

I always wanted him to tell me where he is and what he is doing. I sometimes verbally abuse him and do things that a christian woman should not do.

Forgive me for not honoring my fiance. Forgive me if I have become so controlling and so abusive to him.

Lord, help me to bless him. And love him truly. Help me.

My bad treatment of him is rooted from the abuses I have had in the past. From the abandonment that I experienced from my own father to the sexual abuses I experienced from my grandfathers and the emotionally and sexually abusive relationships I had in the past. Lord, help me to forgive those people so that I can enjoy my relationship now.

With a man who lacks much finances but who has a big heart and soul.

Lord, I want to become a blessing to him and to our future family together. Help me. Help me overcome myself.

Lord, may You send someone who can help me with my issues. I want to become vulnerable and soft. I want to trust You with all my heart and I also want to trust him.

Lord, reveal the other areas in me that You need to cut.

I thought that giving him sexual favors will make him happy for that was what I believed deep inside me. For some men in my life before would ask for those favors in exchange for the seemingly love and affection I wanted from them. Things that I scarcely received from my own father.

I trusted men but they betrayed me. My own father abandoned me when I was young. Though he would come home from time to time still he feels so distant from me. The last closest encounter I had with him was when I was six years old. Then that was it.

I looked for love from the wrong places. I trusted my grandfathers before to take care of me but then they destroyed my trust and abused my innocent mind by molesting me sexually. I did not like it at first but then I felt the wrong pleasures those abuses gave me. That is why right now I am having a wrong view on sex and love. Add to that the wrong relationships I had in the past where they would also touched my body in the wrong way, I would simply give in because I was afraid of losing their love and affection that actually were lies only.\

Then  I was blamed by my own mother. When I suffered those abuses I was blamed. I have been suffering from this in silence. And now that I am with a good man, I just can't seem to really dig his love for me for I have become accustomed with the wrong kind of treatment already.

Lord, I know You can heal me. I don't want to get married having these baggage in me because I want to become a blessing to my husband and my future family. Lord, help me to fully forgive those people and to just move on and focus what I have right now.

Lord, only You can heal me. My abusive tendencies. Help me to find a good counselor Lord who can help me with my struggles. Help me Lord.

Thank You Father. Thank You for I am on my path to freedom because of You.

Amen.

Getting Married...Soon

Dear Lord,

Forgive me. Forgive me if I have been defrauding him. If I have been acting out with all the wrong desires and motives with him.

Lord, mine has been a selfish love. This is not the love that You called us to have for our brothers and sisters in You. This one is selfish. Forgive me.

Lord, I decided i will just marry him. Not because I am settling but I think he's the one for me, the One You have given me. I will treasure him. But we have no budget when we get married. Please provide for us and teach us the way.

Lord, thank You for those articles. They opened my mind.

Indeed, it is really better to get married than to burn with so much lust and passion.

Thank You Father. Amen.

And Still Forgive

Dear Lord,

Lord, I am still feeling this hate towards my head teacher. Lord, even if she's telling the truth still she should have talked to me and told me right on my face what was wrong with me though I needed not to be told. It just pained me a lot to know that a person like her, one that I admired and looked up to, one who I thought was a matured christian failed me. A lot.

I don't know Father how will I ever talk to her again. I don't know if I can still look at her without feeling any coldness nor hate towards her. Yet Lord I must forgive and I will forgive.

I will not let her attitude nor what she did affect my work. Instead I will use what she did to me to reinvent myself and to become more responsible as regards my career. I cannot blame others if I am experiencing a fall downward. Yet I can still pick myself up by Your grace and Your mercy.

Lord, please help me to forgive. To forgive with all my heart and mind. To just let go of what happened and learn to trust You more. To believe that You have something better, something good in mind for me. One that You have always wanted me to do and to have.

Father help me as I go through this phase. Help me as I go about my life right now. Lord, thank You for giving me him for making him love for who I am and for being so patient with me. Help me Father to become more patient and to just let him grow and improve in life. Lord, I have realized last night that I actually have the power to make or break him. Lord, help me to use my God-given power to help him, to build him up and to uplift him.

Lord, indeed I am facing life right now. It is giving me a lot of "educational" experiences. Yet Lord, in a ll of these I must say that I should and will learn to trust You with all my heart and soul. To learn to trust other people and to look at the brighter side of this world. I am praying Lord for those people I heard who were not having the best times of their lives right now. Those who were hurting because of betrayal, because of infidelity, because of poverty. Help them Lord and may they come to know You and accept You in their lives. May they come to see You Father move in their lives.

Lord, thank You. Thank You for Your provisions, thank You for You are giving me what I need and I still have more. Thank You so much Father. Amen.

Trusting You

Dear Lord,

Lord, You know the fears that I have right now. You know how I fear that I might be with the wrong person, that he might just be taking advantage of me, that my agent my double-cross me. Lord, I have these fears in me.

Yet Lord, thank You for You are my Father. Forgive me for my unbelief. Forgive me yesterday for giving the devil the foothold again, for giving in to the lust of my flesh because I wanted to feel pleasure because I was not feeling well again. Lord, help me to change that habit of mine and help me that whenever there's something that troubles me I will just trust in You and seek wisdom from You.

Lord, I still have doubts as regards my relationship with my fiance. I cannot just trust him because Lord I have lived in doubt, my mother who has been with me has actually sown fear in my heart that's why I have difficulty trusting other people. Not to mention that I have lived my life without my father most of the time and I was taken advantage by some men I trusted all my life. That' why now that I have a man of my own, I am having difficulty trusting him. Yet I forgot that it should be You that I will trust with all my heart (Proverbs 3:5). Lord, yes I will believe on people, I will believe in my fiance's kindness and love for me but in everything I will just place my trust in You. My whole trust.

Lord, as regards the house that I bought, I am also praying for protection as regards the people I am dealing with. Lord, I commit them to You, I surrender them to You. I will place them in Your hands. You're the only One who I can trust with all my heart not other people, not anyone else.

Lord, thank You so much. Thank You for during this dark hour of my soul, I am learning to run to You and to trust You more. Thank You for Your promises. All I need is to believe. To believe You and to trust You with all my heart. Lord, just please give me the wisdom as I make my transaction with those people, as I continue my relationship with my fiance. Thank You Father. Lord, if they are not the right people, help me to see in right away so I may not have any transactions with them anymore. Thank You very much Father God. Amen

My Inner Circle

Dear Lord,

Lord, thank You so much for this wonderful day again. Thank You that I am still here and I am gifted with another day to worship You and to be blessed by You.

Lord, those ladies I called my friends. Lord, I guess I really need to avoid them gradually. Not because I don't like them anymore but I guess they are not doing me any good anymore. Yes, I admit I may have committed a lot of mistakes, I may have done tons of wrongdoings in the past but Lord, I am not perfect and only by Your grace I will be.

I am just tired of saying bad things behind people's back, to judge others and to laugh at the shortcomings of others. I am tired of being told of what to do and how should I handle my life as if I don't have a mind of my own. I am tired Lord. So tired. I am tired of those crass and morally improper jokes, I am tired of what other people are saying about me. I am tired Lord. Very tired.

Is this Your way for me to avoid them? Most probably I will be persecuted because of my actions. Yet Lord, please give me the grace to really stand. To stand on my ground and conviction. To really choose You instead of this world even if it means that I might be alone sometimes.

For You will be with me. You will be with me. All I want is to be just with You Father and Your people. Please give me the wisdom and understanding Lord in everything that I do.

Lord, is getting a house there in Bucandala the right decision for us? We will be closer to his christian friends and we can start our lives anew there. Lord, whatever it is, if it is Your will then it will be done.

Thank You so much Father God. Thank You for Your grace and faithfulness. Thank You for Your love Father God.

Lord, since I am going to lose eventually those people, Lord I am praying for a new set of friends who will be good influences to me. I want to have a good, more matured and Jesus and Bible-believing christian friends. Those people who will help us to get closer to You. I am praying for those people to come into my life Father God.

As regards the transportation, Father I am praying that there will be public utility vehicles there and not tricycles. I am scared Lord of riding the tricycles knowing those bad things that happened just barely a month ago. Lord, I am praying that You kindly move in that area and may they approve of PUJ's there. I will trust in Your grace. Or better yet if You would provide for a vehicle for us Father God.

Thank You so much Lord God. Thank You for everything that You have done. And may I also understand the words that You are going to say and also thank You for the blessing that You gave my fiance. Thank You so much. Amen.