Dear Lord,
I am thinking and bothered about something right now. I read something about love and about the possibility of christian women like me getting married. Lord, he said, the author said that there's this very big chance of many of us would not be getting married someday.
Lord, I have come into thinking. You were the One who put this desire inside my heart or I am speaking for most women, inside our hearts, right? Now, why did You have to put this desire in us when all our lives we would just feel this "unfulfilled longing" inside us?
Lord, I know You are not a "torturous" God. You are not sadistic who takes pleasure in the pain of others. But sometimes, forgive me but I think of You that way. Like in my case. You know how much I have always longed for my own family, my own children but it seems like the odds are all against me. Ever since, there seems to be no one who is interested with me. I don't know. Do I still have to change something about me or what?
Lord, forgive me for even thinking of these things. But I am scared. Scared of not being able to bear my own children, scared of not being able to have my own family, scared of being an old maid for the rest of my life. Really, I am scared. I am praying Father that if married life is not something in mind You have for me, please take this away. Please remove the envy that I feel each time I would see family, a couple with their child walking around. Please remove any desire from me to take care of a man, be his partner and be his children's mother. Father, please. I appeal to You. Really I do.
Father, what do I do? What do I do now? Speak to me Father. Forgive me from any iniquity that I committed today. Thank You Lord, amen.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
March 6, 2012 Tuesday
Dear Lord,
I am sad. yes, Father. He is the one that I like. But deep inside me I have doubts or I must admit that he is not a believer. But who am I to know? Who am I to know what is going on in him?
Lord, I don't know. Lord, if he is not Your will for me, let me that person that You want me to spend the rest of my life with. The right person who we will both have Your approval and Your blessings.
Father, I want to obey You with all my heart but a part of me really wants to be with him. But I am not sure if he is the right one. Lord, show me. Guide me. And I pray that even if we don't end up together, You will still bless him, make him know You and may he end up with a good, loving, God-fearing woman You especially made for him.
My heart is crying honestly. But I need to let him go. And just be contented to be just his friend. I don't know. Father, help me. Help me. Help me to become more selfless and become more sincere especially as I show love and generosity to other people. Let my intentions not be tarnished by hidden agenda and selfish motives. Take away any unselfishness and manipulativeness in me.
Make me to become more trusting and loving to You. To put You first and foremost in my life. Father, thank You so much. Comfort my heart right now. Thank You Father God.
Amen.
I am sad. yes, Father. He is the one that I like. But deep inside me I have doubts or I must admit that he is not a believer. But who am I to know? Who am I to know what is going on in him?
Lord, I don't know. Lord, if he is not Your will for me, let me that person that You want me to spend the rest of my life with. The right person who we will both have Your approval and Your blessings.
Father, I want to obey You with all my heart but a part of me really wants to be with him. But I am not sure if he is the right one. Lord, show me. Guide me. And I pray that even if we don't end up together, You will still bless him, make him know You and may he end up with a good, loving, God-fearing woman You especially made for him.
My heart is crying honestly. But I need to let him go. And just be contented to be just his friend. I don't know. Father, help me. Help me. Help me to become more selfless and become more sincere especially as I show love and generosity to other people. Let my intentions not be tarnished by hidden agenda and selfish motives. Take away any unselfishness and manipulativeness in me.
Make me to become more trusting and loving to You. To put You first and foremost in my life. Father, thank You so much. Comfort my heart right now. Thank You Father God.
Amen.
Monday, March 5, 2012
March 5, 2012 Monday
Dear Lord,
Maybe the reason why I am like this is because I give all for the wrong reasons. Because I may not admit it but I was having some hidden and personal agenda in my heart and my deepest thoughts.
Father, teach me to become more selfless, expecting nothing in return from anyone. Help me to just love others and love them sincerely with all my heart regardless if they are my blood family or not. Help me to become more sincere with my actions and my intentions.
Prune Lord the ugly and unproductive areas in my life. Thank You so much for showing me the things that I need to do and to act out. I still have a long way to go.
Father, thank You so much. Thank You for uplifting my spirit again. Thank You very much for everything.
Amen.
P.S.
I have realized that You are indeed far more important, in fact the most important "Person" in my life. Others will just come second. You will always and should always be the first. Thank You so much. Amen.
Maybe the reason why I am like this is because I give all for the wrong reasons. Because I may not admit it but I was having some hidden and personal agenda in my heart and my deepest thoughts.
Father, teach me to become more selfless, expecting nothing in return from anyone. Help me to just love others and love them sincerely with all my heart regardless if they are my blood family or not. Help me to become more sincere with my actions and my intentions.
Prune Lord the ugly and unproductive areas in my life. Thank You so much for showing me the things that I need to do and to act out. I still have a long way to go.
Father, thank You so much. Thank You for uplifting my spirit again. Thank You very much for everything.
Amen.
P.S.
I have realized that You are indeed far more important, in fact the most important "Person" in my life. Others will just come second. You will always and should always be the first. Thank You so much. Amen.
Friday, March 2, 2012
March 2, 2012, Friday
Dear Lord,
I know, I have been struggling deep within me. About my feelings for Ryan. Father, because of our encounter, my life really turned upside down. My emotions have experienced such a roller-coaster ride.
I forgot that he is not a christian. No, not really did I forget but I was hoping and really hoping that You would make the tides go along with me and my desire.
Father, You know he is a good man though I still don't know him that much. But indeed, Father I just want to let go of him. It is really painful deep inside but I am letting him go. I will just let You work in my life until the day that You will answer my prayer that I will have a good husband and a beautiful family and You will be our "center."
Father, I must admit that deep inside, I want Ryan because I know that he can give me the financial security and a nice environment to live in if we'd get married. Yet, this only shows my lack of faithfulness. Deep inside, I was already depending on him, thinking he could fulfill my needs when in fact You are the only One who can and could give every need that I have, all the time.
I don't know what the future will bring. All I need to do is to let go and really do. Let You work in my life as I give You the free reign. I know, my dissatisfaction manifested with the way I have been eating that though I was already full and satiated, I still did not feel satisfied.
I have realized as I listened to Pastor Lapiz's preaching that I need to let go of that desire I have for that man. That I should not let my emotions get the best of me. Ryan is not a christian like me so painful as it is, I will let go of him. Though it hurts me.
Lord, what about his parents? I want to do something good for them. Let it not be stained by my selfish and hidden agenda and tainted by my evil desire but let me be driven by love and sincerity. The purity of heart that only comes from You. That regardless if I end up with their son or not, I will still do what I have been compelled to do.
Father, close my heart until it is the right time. Please, let me just serve and love others without waiting nor anticipating anything in return. Lord, help me become more faithful. Help me to become more loving and kinder and yes, help me practice the faith that I professed.
Lord, I still pray for Ryan. Please take good care of him. And yes, lead his ways and I pray that he will end up with a woman who will love him and will become faithful and loving to him. I wish I were that woman Lord but if it is not Your will and if that will put my faith and relationship with You in a compromise, then I pray that You will extinguish that wish in me.
Father, I am letting go. This time, for real. Just guide me to the right path. The path that You have already ordained for me.
Thank You, Lord. Amen
I know, I have been struggling deep within me. About my feelings for Ryan. Father, because of our encounter, my life really turned upside down. My emotions have experienced such a roller-coaster ride.
I forgot that he is not a christian. No, not really did I forget but I was hoping and really hoping that You would make the tides go along with me and my desire.
Father, You know he is a good man though I still don't know him that much. But indeed, Father I just want to let go of him. It is really painful deep inside but I am letting him go. I will just let You work in my life until the day that You will answer my prayer that I will have a good husband and a beautiful family and You will be our "center."
Father, I must admit that deep inside, I want Ryan because I know that he can give me the financial security and a nice environment to live in if we'd get married. Yet, this only shows my lack of faithfulness. Deep inside, I was already depending on him, thinking he could fulfill my needs when in fact You are the only One who can and could give every need that I have, all the time.
I don't know what the future will bring. All I need to do is to let go and really do. Let You work in my life as I give You the free reign. I know, my dissatisfaction manifested with the way I have been eating that though I was already full and satiated, I still did not feel satisfied.
I have realized as I listened to Pastor Lapiz's preaching that I need to let go of that desire I have for that man. That I should not let my emotions get the best of me. Ryan is not a christian like me so painful as it is, I will let go of him. Though it hurts me.
Lord, what about his parents? I want to do something good for them. Let it not be stained by my selfish and hidden agenda and tainted by my evil desire but let me be driven by love and sincerity. The purity of heart that only comes from You. That regardless if I end up with their son or not, I will still do what I have been compelled to do.
Father, close my heart until it is the right time. Please, let me just serve and love others without waiting nor anticipating anything in return. Lord, help me become more faithful. Help me to become more loving and kinder and yes, help me practice the faith that I professed.
Lord, I still pray for Ryan. Please take good care of him. And yes, lead his ways and I pray that he will end up with a woman who will love him and will become faithful and loving to him. I wish I were that woman Lord but if it is not Your will and if that will put my faith and relationship with You in a compromise, then I pray that You will extinguish that wish in me.
Father, I am letting go. This time, for real. Just guide me to the right path. The path that You have already ordained for me.
Thank You, Lord. Amen
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