With Fear and Scared

Dear Lord,

I am thinking and bothered about something right now. I read something about love and about the possibility of christian women like me getting married. Lord, he said, the author said that there's this very big chance of many of us would not be getting married someday.

Lord, I have come into thinking. You were the One who put this desire inside my heart or I am speaking for most women, inside our hearts, right? Now, why did You have to put this desire in us when all our lives we would just feel this "unfulfilled longing" inside us?

Lord, I know You are not a "torturous" God. You are not sadistic who takes pleasure in the pain of others. But sometimes, forgive me but I think of You that way. Like in my case. You know how much I have always longed for my own family, my own children but it seems like the odds are all against me. Ever since, there seems to be no one who is interested with me. I don't know. Do I still have to change something about me or what?

Lord, forgive me for even thinking of these things. But I am scared. Scared of not being able to bear my own children, scared of not being able to have my own family, scared of being an old maid for the rest of my life. Really, I am scared. I am praying Father that if married life is not something in mind You have for me, please take this away. Please remove the envy that I feel each time I would see family, a couple with their child walking around. Please remove any desire from me to take care of a man, be his partner and be his children's mother. Father, please. I appeal to You. Really I do.

Father, what do I do? What do I do now? Speak to me Father. Forgive me from any iniquity that I committed today. Thank You Lord, amen.