November 3, 2011

Dear Lord,

Lord, thank You again for this lovely day that You lend back to me. Thank You for this quite chilly morning, the blue sky, the sound of the birds, everything. Indeed I have many things to be thankful for.

Lord, I must admit that after listening to a preaching last night about marriage, I again had this desire to be married. I was thinking again about my lovelife, about having a boyfriend, about being in a relationship. Lord, I have been praying to You about this area and sometimes Lord I am really becoming impatient to the point of being already frustrated. Lord, I know being married is not easy, my parents have not been good examples of a good marriage actually, it takes a lot of work. As in tremendous work from us and lots of grace and mercy from You. Yet Lord, albeit the discouraging things, the not-so-good examples,the separations here and there, I still desire to be married and to be of service to someone.

Lord, I am not looking for a perfect relationship, nor the perfect man. Those are far from realities. Lord, I just want someone whom I can share my life with. Someone I can serve, someone I can love. Someone who can be with me serving You and then when we have children, they will also serve You. I want to have a family of my own. My own children, my own babies to cradle, to cuddle and to take good care of. I know it takes a lot of work and sacrifice but then Lord everything will be worth it eventually, right?

Lord, I don't want to be alone in the future. I want to be with someone to hold my hands in my old age. Someone who will be with me in the garden, tending our plants and spoiling our grandchildren. Lord, I am praying for these things. They are indeed my heart's desire.

Lord, I don't know. I also have this desire in me to be intimate with my husband. I want to be hugged, kissed, caressed and loved by my husband. Lord, I know my full satisfaction comes from You but I am still human, I still have my longings and desires.

Lord, help me as I go through this phase again. This phase that I am feeling this desire, this frustration. This is the time that I am the weakest so Lord please lift me up. I have this prayer in my heart and Lord, I am holding on to what You told me before in Isaiah 34:16 that "none shall be without her mate". Lord, I am holding on to this promise but right now Father, help me as I deal again with this desire in me.

Lord, forgive me if I had again daydreams though there were no sensual images there. Still, my daydreams were not grounded to reality so I will refrain from doing it so and live with my truth everyday. I am single right now, no prospect in sight and still praying.

Lord, whatever happens I will trust in You. My life is in Your hands. You know what is in store for me. I will make a leap of faith. I will live like I am already going to be married. I will love my future husband all the days of my life and that includes now. Lord, help me to become a good and loving wife to whoever he is, let me be the answer to his prayers. May I not become his frustration but rather his inspiration. May I become just the right person for him. Regardless of his imperfections, I will still love him for You will give me a heart like Yours, a heart that sees beyond the flaws and imperfections, a heart that forgives, understands and just loves deeply.

Lord, may I become the woman he has been praying for whoever that man is.

Thank You Lord, amen.