Dear Lord,
Father God, thank You again for this brand new day. Thank You so much that I am still alive even though I foolishly asked You yesterday to take my life all because of what I was thinking. I am so sorry Lord if I had been so negative and saw myself as ugly.
Lord, I don't know. I still yet to learn to base everything that I am and have in You. How I look at myself, how I look at love and other things. My past still catches up with me for I am seeing a pattern in myself and in my lovelife now. Lord, something's just not right. About the way that I think. Lord, my only question is, why do I keep on losing the guys that I liked? Or why can't I have them? Lord, I have been asking this from You for how many times already, but I am going to ask You once again: Am I given the life single blessedness? Yet, Lord deep inside I have this very strong desire to have a family of my own, to have my own children, to become a wife and a mother. Lord, no matter how bad marriages go nowadays, still I have hope that mine is going to be different for it is going to be the one given and blessed by You.
Father, I am just sorry. You really have Your ways. That guy, our neighbor I could have met him earlier, we could have been friends before but we only lasted for a week and now I have no idea if he is really gone already. Maybe, he is not really the one for me. Maybe because my love language is quality time and the nature of his work will not be able to fully fulfill it let alone if we were going to have children of our own, he is not really the one for me. I met him for a reason. What do You want me to learn from this quite painful experience?
Lord, maybe because he is not a Christian. But how do I know? I do not know. But maybe, yes. Typical guy, slowly flirted with me and yes, somehow dumped me like a hot potato. Not really how a man of God acts. Yet I was blinded by the revelries of things, the romanticism, the emotions given etc., etc. And there I was, so full of emotions that I almost gave my heart away all in the span of one week. Maybe because I have been so excited about falling in love. I am in love with the idea of falling in love. I still have yet to ask from You wisdom about this. For Lord, upon reflection, I have realized that I am easily blinded by my emotions. I am so in tuned with my emotions I live my life according to them. Then there is this negative thinking that I have. Lord, I still have many things to learn yet. Lord, I am praying that the next time I am going to be close to a certain person, to someone, may he be the right one for me. Lord, teach me this time how to really act and feel towards a man. Lord, I have realized also that I do not really have a more tangible example of love. My parents' marriage was a total sham and now my mother and even we are suffering from the consequences of their actions when they were younger. Lord, may I have a different life. A life that is blessed by You first and foremost, by them and the people who love and surround us.
Lord, I still have yet to learn many things. You still want me to prepare and become the Proverbs 31 woman.
You still want me to involve others specially Christian friends and other matured people in the process. Lord, this is not something I should do all alone. I need people to guide and give me the advice that I need so that I will avoid committing such a huge mistake that would affect me and my future children.
Lord, please I am praying still for Christian friends to come into my life. That I may have them in my life, Father God. So that I will have many people to talk to, sensible people to talk to when faced with big issues in my life. Lord, where can I find those people? Help me to find them, Lord God. Lord, at this time of my life help me to see the things that You need for me to do and focus on. Lord, I will trust You.
Lord, there must be a reason why I met him. Only You can answer that but eventually You will let me see and know the answers. Just like what I have realized with Nick. Lord, I will just put my trust in You and again, will just wait for Your answers.
Father God, thank You so much again for this lovely morning. Amen.
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