November 9, 2011

Dear Lord,

I feel so bad now. Lord, there is no one I can turn to.

Lord, I hate my parents. I hate them. I hate them for only thinking of themselves, I hate them for fighting in front of us, I hate them for not working out their differences.

I hate it that we are ironically a Christian family but we are like this. I hate it that I was not able to choose my parents nor the family that I should belong to. Lord, I cannot handle them any longer. They are so heavy.

Lord, help us. Lord, help me not to hate them. Help me that inspite of these things, the enemy wanting to destroy us, please Lord help us altogether. Discord and division were never Your will. Lord, I am really not feeling well. I don't have anyone to turn to. I have no one to tell my story about. Lord, I am really not feeling well. No matter how hard I have tried to look at the bright side, darkness still forces its way into our lives.

Lord, I hate them. But what can I do? I am here. I feel powerless. No one is helping us. Our family is not a good testimony, my parents are good example of a bad marriage, something like "don't try this at home" type.

Lord, I really feel bad. They are not good examples. Sometimes I wish they had not met anymore. Sometimes I wish that this family did not exist anymore. Sometimes I wish that all the four of us belong to a different family so that my younger siblings do not experience this shameful and very sad state.

Lord, I am tired. I am really tired of carrying this family's burden. I am tired of being the mediator, the peacemaker, the one who needs to be sane when everyone here is already insane. I am tired. Really, I am.

Lord, are You listening to my prayers?

I am tired. Really I am tired. Lord, I cannot carry this all alone. I cannot handle this all alone. Lord, I cannot do this all alone.