November 6, 2011

Dear Lord,

I am so sad right now. I cannot face You. I am so ashamed. I am so sorry. Lord, something is wrong with me. First I could not handle well the excesses available around me. I kept on eating and eating and if ever I would be very fat again, there will be no one to blame except me. Then yesterday, when I wore my mini-skirt, I must honestly admit that I felt slutty with what I was wearing, I know I drew some attention and I believe it did not really please You. Also, I thought again of lustful thoughts, I remembered that guy again and each time that I did, I would only think of him in lustful and sensuous ways that of course made You feel bad. I must admit, there were some pleasures just thinking about those things but in the end they did not only bring me shame but intense sadness as well.

Lord, it is not about the clothing, it is not about the food, it is not about that person, it was all about the way I thought. My own thinking. My mind. Everything starts with it. Lord, I have this distorted abundance thinking that " I would always still have something tomorrow". It is good at a certain extent but not helpful specially when distorted. I would eat and eat to my heart's content thinking that the pounds would be shed off through exercise. No wonder I am still this size for though I exercise and move a lot, I try to compensate by eating and eating till my intestines burst. It is an exaggeration but it could be my literal truth.

Then, there were these lustful and sexual thoughts about that man. Lord, I do not even admire him let alone love him. Yet, I treat him as just an instrument to fulfill my sexual fantasies. Lord, I am blunt with You for really I cannot hide anything from You. Lord, I have been taking the Setting Captives Free course but I must admit that these days, I have not been concentrating on my lessons and in fact yesterday I did not finish it. No wonder I am being mercilessly attacked again by the enemy and I don't have enough "weapon" to fight him over.

Lord, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for my undisciplined attitude. I am sorry for my disobedience again. My time has not been put to good use very well these days. I have been so consumed with all the blessings that I received from You I forgot to feed my soul well. I have been feeding my flesh and the lust of the eyes. Lord, I am so sorry. Help me Lord to transform my way of thinking of, dealing with and handling of things You only meant for good.

Father God, thank You again for this morning. Thank You that I am still alive that You let me borrow again my life. I really should put this in mind so I can be a better steward of everything that You are blessing me with even time which is a non-renewable resource. Thank You Lord and may I get more insights and understanding as I study and read on God's Word today.

Amen.

Blessy