November 10, 2011

Dear Lord,

I am so ashamed again. My actions yesterday were so terrible. My thoughts were offensive again to You. Lord, right now all I want to do is to zip my lips, be alone and spend my day in quiet solitary in order for me to reflect on the life that I am living.


Lord, I was so foolish to ride on what Pauline's mom was doing. I must admit that I was irritated when that man did not text me. I was waiting and expecting that he would do. Not because I like him nor I am interested with him but here I am again with my dreaded disease, vanity. Pride also. All I wanted was a story to tell to all my co-teachers and other friends about him, that's all.

And because of that frustration for senseless thing, I committed again a senseless sin which is to gratify myself with lustful thoughts and actions.

I even listened to secular love songs again. To secular music.

To make this story short which of course Lord, You already know I am on the verge of relapsing again to my old, sinful ways.

By the way, I went again to the library but he was not as "effective" to me as he was before.

Lord, I just want to continue in You. I don't want to relapse. The enemy is attacking me severely nowadays.


Lord, I also said bad words again that I know were offensive to You. And Lord, I hurled those words to that man who has been harassing my younger sister.

I am angry with Him. Help me Father to practice me Christianity towards that man. Lord, do not let him hurt anyone in my family. I am starting to develop hate towards him. Lord, help me deal with this. Help me to put into practice that "loving Your enemy" thing.

I am sorry for all of these. Really. Forgive me, Father.

I am also for my actions towards that woman yesterday. I have realized that I am more in the "blessed" state than her for I can say that I have more friends and people to talk to than her. That people would easily approach me than her. Lord, this is not pride but just thankful that my life is quite better than hers in terms of relationship with others.

Anyway Lord, I was able to tell her my concerns yesterday without letting our coordinator know. I did not want her to be placed in hot water because of her actions even though we are not in good terms.

Lord, I am sorry. Really I am. Honestly I am tempted to repeat the sexual purity course again just to refresh my spirit. Lord, is it the right thing to do or will I just press on?

Kindly give me the answer, amen.