Dear Lord,
Father, You know what I am going through right now. I have thoughts inside my head again that give me insecurity and inferiority complex. The feelings that actually make me question my worth as a person and as a lady.
Father, You know how I feel when I saw that girl he courted. I am thinking that probably they are still communicating, that he likes her so much primarily because of her physical appearance. Of course, she is the typical "peaches and cream" type, mestiza looking girl that this Filipino society especially the males adore. I am not sure anyway, maybe these thoughts were unfounded but I just could not help it. I really like him Lord but actually he depletes my emotional reserves unknowingly. Or probably it is I who does it to me because of my unfounded thoughts.
I am sorry Lord. I am sorry. I think I failed You again. Yet, thank You for reminding me how much You love me and You care for me. I fell again into sin's temptation yesterday. All because of how I feel and how I think.
Father, I am sorry if I tried to measure up my worth and myself according to his standards. I thought that I was not good enough all because I thought the way I perceive he thinks. I think it is also illogical and unreasonable for me to think of him that way. I think all I need to do is not to care whether he likes me or not. I will still pray for him but my emotions will remain at bay.
Father, I cannot do this all alone. The enemy is indeed attacking me at my weakest. I think Father, You still have to deal with me more in this area of my life. About physical appearance. Yes, Father they do matter but they are not that important especially when it comes to being with someone and sharing my life with another person. It is still the heart that matters at the end of the day.
Which is something that I have to cultivate. As well as my mind. Thank You Father God for the mental exercise I was exposed to yesterday. Makes me want to think and ponder on what will be the best topic for research for me to undertake.
Thank You Father God. I am a woman of worth. I am the woman You are molding me to become who You want me to be. I guess I have been looking at myself through other people's eyes that's why they hurt. Like the eyeglasses that do not fit them, they would really hurt and damage the eyes in the long run. Yet, if I will just practice myself looking at myself through Your eyes, then things will appear to me differently. For my eyes are originally made to fit into Yours. I just don't wear them most of the time.
Father, I am beautiful. My nose may not be that pristine one, but I have lovely eyes. Eyes that could look with love and affection for others. I also have a nice set of teeth and a heart-shaped lips. I can use them to smile sincerely to others and brighten up someone else's day. I also have an olive skin complexion. Not so white, not so dark. Just enough. The complexion western beauties are dying to have. Ironic, Father. We adore white skin here in this country while millions of dollars are spent abroad by women who want to have the skin that we already naturally possess. My goodness! Talk about the futility of human vanity and discontentment.
I will just be comfortable with myself. I know Father that the man that You will give me, the man I am going to share and spend the rest of my life with will be attracted to me in and out. That man will find me cute regardless of what the white-skin loving, Filipino society says. Eventually, that man will fall in love with me because I have a beautiful and lovely soul. A soul that is just connected and dependent on You alone for self-esteem and survival.
Thank You Father. Amen.
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