Deep Seated Issues

Dear Lord,

Lord, thank You for this lovely morning again. Thank You for I still have life and the sun is shining so brightly outside. I am thankful for I have all that I need everyday and even more. Thank You.

I am sorry if at times I forget those blessings. If I tend to focus on what I do not have instead on what I do have. I am sorry if I still desire for more and more until I forget the word contentment. I am sorry Father.

I am thankful for this warm, breezy yet cool room. I am thankful for the wind outside, I am thankful for the food on the table, I am thankful for the people I have around.

Lord, I am sorry. The deep seated issues I have within me are actually surfacing now. Especially the issues I have with my father. You know, now I understand why I always do not feel I measure up, why do I feel rejected inside. Because that is how I feel from my earthly father. All my life, I have tried to measure up, I have tried for someone to love me and only me to no avail. My mom's favorite is my brother, my father's favorite is my sister. Father, this is a very sad realization yet I have to come to terms with this for it will affect my relationship with the man I am going to marry. I might demand from him though subconsciously that he just focus on me, that I am the only one for his attention.

Lord this is wrong. I must understand that though my earthly father did not give me the right kind of value any girl should have, still I must believe that You are there, You are on my side and You value me more than anyone else in this world. Thank You for You are the only One who can do that and You are the only One I can truly depend on.

Forgive me if I had been such a pain in the neck to my fiance. Forgive me for acting so childish, for being so jealous most of the time. Forgive me Father God and I am still yet to learn to trust You and to just depend upon You completely.

I forgot to say thank You for this semester break. I was able to clean my room, fix my things and tidy things up. Thank You for helping me and for bringing back senses into my brain. Thank You.

Father God, I am praying for a good house next year. May my future husband and I find a lovely place, a good place where we can build our own family. Father, I know that it is Your will for us to be together. May our wedding be just quiet, simple yet beautiful and may we overcome temptation especially the lust of the flesh each time we are together. Thank You Father God.

Lord, I actually have a lot of things to tell You. How grateful I am, how thankful I am to You. Thank You for just picking me up each time I would fall to the ground because of my own foolishness and selfishness. Forgive me Lord and thank You so much.

May this morning, may I understand everything that You have to say and to tell me. Thank You Father God. Amen.